So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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