Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
