I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
