Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
