I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
