It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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