He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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