is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
