My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize