She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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