Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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