there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
