His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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