guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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