Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think my moral compass just broke
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