i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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