At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
