An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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