It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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