my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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