I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
