guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize