mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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