Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
