I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
