Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
