you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Houston, we have a squirter
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
