break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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