I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
