At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
