you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
