I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize