I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
there is another microwave in the elevator.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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