I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
