just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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