First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
