I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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