Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
