Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
