At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All the doctor said was why
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
