On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
