It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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