I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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