If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
