i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
