So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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