There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
