I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
