You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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