If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize