At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
