The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize