me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
