so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
