Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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