remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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