Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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