K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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