SEEEEXXX PLEASE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
