even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
