i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
