If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
