Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
