So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
