i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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