This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize