she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize