I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
