My friends, they love my intelligence
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
