She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
