Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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