my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
