to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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