Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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