I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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