Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
