i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
