"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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