Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize