I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize