smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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